


Fifty Thousand Degrees of Fucked Up

by kekinkawaii



Category: Naruto
Genre: Jutsu Gone Wrong, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 16:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17584418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kekinkawaii/pseuds/kekinkawaii
Summary: Hey, Sasuke, so for some reason you’re the only thing that makes me warm anymore. Can we cuddle?





	Fifty Thousand Degrees of Fucked Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KarryHim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarryHim/gifts).



> I tried so very hard to keep the sasunaru platonic. Evidently that did not work. Happy birthday, man. Bonus points if you can pick out all the cold/hot puns.  
> Special thanks to [ensorcel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ensorcel) for the moral support.

Here’s the thing: Naruto got cold easily.

Nothing serious, nothing life threatening—but he always started wearing layers in the late summer, donned on the mittens in the fall, and could pass as an accurate spokesperson for Michelin tires by the time winter came around. He never drank anything iced, and could only eat ice cream in tiny little bites until it had melted (either in the cone or all over himself). His hands were always shoved deep into his pockets or curled around the back of his neck, chilly fingers chasing his own body heat.

It was usually tolerable—with the exception of the gas and hot water bill, it didn’t affect him all that much. Nothing a hoodie or a cup of hot chocolate couldn’t fix. There were worse things in life.

But _this._

 _This_ was ridiculous.

All the assailants and adversaries of the village seemed to be in hibernation, and there had been no mission in sight for days and none for the near future, and some stupid useless task had been thereby passed down to Kakashi for some godforsaken reason—god knows Naruto wouldn’t have gotten out of bed for this.

Which was possibly why Kakashi had insisted this mission was “important” and “dangerous”, which had somehow gotten translated to trudging through ankle-deep snow with some kind of antique trinkets merchant who apparently needed _three of the best and brightest ninja_ to accompany her on a stupid, lousy, useless trip to some stupid, lousy, useless village—

“I’d shut your mouth if I were you, boy,” the aforementioned merchant had cut in, interrupting Naruto from his heated rant, and Naruto had snarked something at her and continued right on, because, honestly, it was January in the midst of a snowstorm, it wasn’t like she had any urgent drive that would need her to travel to the Village of Frost or Fleet or whatever before the blizzard passed. Stupid, lousy, useless _hag._

Okay, so maybe he had it coming. In his defense, it was twenty-five degrees below freezing and Naruto’s coat was thin and worn, as was his patience.

As was the merchant’s, apparently.

“Naruto,” Kakashi said lowly, warningly, just as the merchant whipped around and said, “You like to complain about the cold, huh? I’ll show you cold.”

Before Naruto could respond, she hissed something at him, did some flourish with her hands, a flick of her wrist and a twist of her fingers, and grinned ominously.

Next to Naruto, Sakura gasped. Sasuke muttered something that sounded like _“idiot”._ Kakashi cast his eyes up into the pale, snow-swirled sky with something akin to exasperated resignation.

Naruto blinked. “Huh,” he said, and then the cold blasted him so hard he fell to his knees in shock.

The merchant—who was probably more than just a merchant, Naruto belatedly realized—had a glint in her eyes. “That’ll teach you, boy.”

“Wha—” A wave of ice shuddered down his spine. “What did you do? What the hell? What are you?”

“Shoulda kept your mouth shut,” was the response.

Kakashi looked at Naruto balefully and sighed.

“What?” Naruto’s head was a whirl. “What’s happening? Why am I so cold?!”

Kakashi sniffed at the merchant disdainfully. “Not even ten minutes in, and you _jutsu_ one of your escorts?”

The woman shrugged. “I couldn’t help myself.” She looked at the rest of the team. “How can you all stand to be around him without punching him in the mouth?”

“It's an acquired taste,” Naruto argued weakly.

“I don’t,” Sakura said cheerily.

Sasuke said, “I keep an elastic band around my wrist and snap it whenever I get the urge.”

The woman cackled. “I like the other two.”

“Gee, thanks,” Naruto said. “Now can someone tell me what the fuck is going on.”

“Frost Wave Jutsu,” Kakashi said, sounding _so done._

The woman shrugged. “Can you blame me?” She smirked. Naruto thought fleetingly that that was a pretty damn cool jutsu, and that he in any other circumstance would’ve asked her to teach it to him.

He blinked multiple times, then shivered and tried valiantly to huddle himself smaller, conserving the pitiful amount of body heat he still had. “So, what, I’m cold now? For—for forever?” The thought hit him harder than the jutsu had; he was _already_ always cold, dammit.

“Unfortunately not,” the woman said. “It’ll wear off in twenty-four hours. Plenty of time to escort me to my village and return to yours. It should act as a reminder to keep that mouth of yours in check until then.”

“Twenty-four hours?” Naruto said desperately.

 _“Ugh,”_ Sakura said, equally concerned and annoyed. “Naruto, why can’t you just learn to shut up once in a while?”

“It’s a talent,” Naruto tried meekly.

Kakashi let out a long suffering sigh. “Let’s keep moving,” he said, “it’ll keep you warmer.”

Naruto stayed hunched over while the others began to walk, dreading the wind that would be hitting his face once he stood up.

“Nice one, idiot,” Sasuke said dryly, lingering behind.

“Shut up, Sasuke,” Naruto said through gritted teeth.

Sasuke said coolly, “Make me.”

Naruto curled his hands into fists and was just about to _make him,_ when another round of pure unadulterated _cold_ shrieked through his system. He sucked in a breath and hunched over even more.

“You aren’t looking too hot, Naruto,” Sasuke said innocently.

“Oh my god,” Naruto groaned, _“shut up.”_

“What’s wrong? Can’t handle the heat?”

“You’re _so_ not funny.” Naruto pushed himself up and shoved Sasuke as he passed. As he did so, he felt the heat rolling off of the other and cursed his own, jutsu-ed, dysfunctional, non-heat-producing body. His hand lingered on Sasuke’s shoulder for longer than what was strictly necessary. He wanted to die.

-+-+-+-

Somehow, it got _worse._

After about two hours of trudging through snow and ice, fighting through fleet and flurries, the sky had darkened and the weather had taken yet another turn for the worse and they took refuge for the night in a small wooden cabin, where the owner had given them one look and quickly ushered them in, wet and freezing.

“Ooh, that feels nice,” Sakura sighed next to the fireplace. Kakashi and Sasuke echoed their agreements.

Naruto, on the other hand, was furious.

“What do you mean, it won’t work?” he seethed.

The merchant shrugged, not looking too sorry. “The jutsu makes the victim permanently cold, no matter the outside circumstances.”

Naruto looked at her for a long time, and then nodded.

“Okay,” he said, and then walked over to the fireplace and stuck his hand through the grates.

Sakura shrieked. Sasuke made a strange noise in his throat and grabbed Naruto’s arm, yanking his hand out from where the flames had licked his skin.

Naruto blinked and wiggled his fingers, which felt as frozen as ever. “Huh. Guess you’re right.”

“You _idiot,”_ Sasuke hissed, holding up his hand for speculation. _“That’s_ how you test it?”

Naruto paused.

“Well, yeah,” he said. “How else?”

“You could’ve set your hand on fire,” Sasuke said, sounding disgusted.

“Hey,” Naruto said, offended, “I didn’t.”

Sasuke looked like he was about to say something else, but then gave up with another muttered _idiot_ under his breath, and let go of Naruto’s hand. He turned his back on Naruto and descended into another one of his moody silences.

Naruto scowled and rubbed at the hand Sasuke had been inspecting. His scowl slowly disappeared, taken by an expression of intrigue. He rubbed a thumb across the back of his hand.

Because while the fire had felt like nothing other than a less dense patch of equally-cold air, Sasuke’s fingers had _burned._

-+-+-+-

“Uh, hey,” Naruto said awkwardly as he approached. “Can we talk?”

The merchant looked up from where she was folding her jacket. Her eyes glittered. “What, haven’t had enough? Want another jutsu?”

“No!” Naruto yelped, holding up his hands, palms facing her in an attempt to pacify. “Jeez. You already hexed me into hypothermia, what more do you want?”

“Oh, I could do a lot more,” the merchant hummed.

“Stop making me nervous,” Naruto said (nervously).

“You should be nervous,” was the reply, followed by a flash of a wicked grin.

“You are _not_ helping,” Naruto complained.

The woman huffed out a laugh. “Well? Out with it, boy.”

Naruto stuffed his hands into the pockets of his thin hoodie. No use wearing a coat—no use wearing anything, actually. It had been another hour along with a late dinner of dry crackers and soup, and he had experimented. Repeatedly. So far, nothing seemed to work.

Well—except for—

Except for when Sasuke caught him pouring a jug of boiling water all over his head and cursed him out for being reckless, wiping the water from his shoulders and sweeping it from his hair. Except for when Sasuke found him in the field outside the cabin, surrounded by fire-ball jutsus, his clothes aflame, and muttered swears black and blue as he shoved him into the snow and harshly patted him out.

He had gotten an idea, then—outside circumstances didn’t affect anything, but what if it was just body heat in general?

But when he approached Kakashi with a casual, “Hey, Sensei, there’s a spider on you,” and laid a meaningful hand on the man’s shoulder, nothing had happened. And when he tried the same with Sakura (who had shrieked at the mention of a spider, twisting violently back and forth until Naruto had ostensibly gotten it off), his hand had remained as cold as ever.

 _Hey, Sasuke,_ Naruto thought sarcastically, _so for some reason you’re the only thing that makes me warm anymore. Can we cuddle?_

Yeah. He was fucked.

“Tell me more about the jutsu,” he eventually came up with.

The merchant raised an eyebrow. “If you’re trying to look for a cure, there isn’t one. Twenty-four hours isn’t a lot, boy. There can be a lesson learned here.”

Naruto blew out his cheeks, annoyed. “That’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m asking if—I was wondering—is there anything that makes it better?”

“You tried that,” the merchant responded. “Multiple times. I don’t need to remind you how those attempts turned out.”

“I know,” Naruto said, a bit snappishly, “but there must be _something.”_

The merchant made a thoughtful noise. “Now that you mention it, there _is_ something.” She looked Naruto over, and then snorted. “But it wouldn’t apply to you, anyway, so forget it.”

“What?” Naruto pressed. “If it won’t apply to me, then it shouldn’t matter, right? Why not tell me?”

“You’re very persistent,” the merchant commented. “You should know that patience is a virtue.”

_“Just tell me what it is!”_

The merchant wrinkled her nose. “A virtue that you do not possess, evidently.” She sniffed and smoothed the corners of her coat into a perfect square of fabric. “Very well, if you insist.”

She paused again, fixing him with his gaze, just to watch Naruto squirm.

“While the outside environment will not affect the victim of the jutsu,” she finally recited, “there are things that are more powerful, yet invisible to the human eye.”

Another pause, long enough that Naruto wondered if that was all he was getting. _Bullshit, what the fuck did that mean,_ he was just about to say, when she took a breath and continued speaking, a smile tugging at her lips like she was having a joke at Naruto’s expense.

“Emotions,” she elaborated.

Whatever he had been expecting, this was not it. Naruto took a step back, bewildered. “What, like, hate?”

She shook her head. “Negative emotions are cold and frostbitten. It is only the truest of love inflicted upon the victim that is strong enough to break through the jutsu.”

Naruto staggered and nearly fell over.

 _“What?”_ he yelped.

A wry smile played upon the woman’s lips. “What’s wrong? Never heard of love?”

“I…” Naruto was so flustered, he forgot that he was cold. “What do you mean? Love, as in—”

“Passion. Desire. Caring.”

Naruto let out a hysterical laugh and shook his head wildly. “No, no, that can’t be right. What about—hate,” he tried. “Or just—annoyance. Irritation. Really, _really_ strong irritation,” he added, when the merchant repeatedly shook her head.

“I told you, boy, _love_ is the only thing that can affect a jutsu like this.” She fixed Naruto again with that piercing gaze. “And only the strongest of love.”

“Uhm,” Naruto said, feeling like spontaneous combustion, “I have to go.”

“Not even a word of thanks,” the woman muttered as Naruto turned and fled. “Ungrateful brat.”

-+-+-+-

Naruto paced back and forth outside of the cabin. The lights from inside were all winked out save for a dim glow, most of the inhabitants having already gone to sleep. Everything had been shrouded in an inky blackness when he had cautiously pushed open the door and stepped out, but his eyes had long since adjusted. He could now see the wind-blown pine trees surrounding the wooden cabin, bent in submission to the storm, piled with frozen snow. The sky was streaked with clouds, and through a clearing the moon shone brightly above his head, casting the palest of light.

It was still snowing, a furious flurry of frost, but Naruto didn’t mind. He hadn’t minded for a few hours, now. It wasn’t like it was any better inside the cabin, in his bed, either. He had shivered for a long miserable hour, huddled in his blankets, feeling lost and confused and overwhelmed and _cold,_ before throwing off the covers and heading outside. He had all this residual energy, might as well use it. He needed to think, anyways.

The merchant’s words hit him again, and he stumbled before regaining his stride.

It must be a mistake, Naruto decided. There was—there was no way.

Sasuke was an acquaintance, a friend. There was no doubt about that. They had risked their lives for each other countless times—but only under the guise of a team, a collaborative cooperation with a common goal in mind. The same bond would’ve been formed with anyone else easily enough.

And either way, the thought was incredulous. Ridiculous, even.

Besides, if Sasuke would like anyone, it would be Sakura.

Even more besides, did Sasuke even _like_ guys?

Did _Naruto?_

 _Oh my god,_ Naruto thought. The realization was dulled, diminished, just another bag of bricks to add onto his already-teetering sanity, cheerfully ambling along and annihilating the careful wall of logic and everything he had once thought to be true that he had created painstakingly over the seventeen years of his life.

But the merchant hadn’t specified, Naruto supposed, desperately grasping at some last vestiges of rationale—platonic love was still a form of love, wasn’t it?

But not even Kakashi’s touch had helped—and Kakashi loved him, there was no doubt of that in Naruto’s mind. Loved all three of them.

 _(Passion,_ she had said. _Desire. Caring._ )

(Only the strongest of love, she had said.)

A shiver went down his spine, but this time it wasn’t from the cold.

Naruto groaned, stopped his relentless pacing in the middle of the path he had tracked through the snow, and ran his hands through his sleep-mussed hair. He was so fucked.

-+-+-+-

Of course, it was just his luck that right in the middle of his newfound epiphany-slash-panic-breakdown, they get ambushed by a band of masked warriors. Naruto screamed bloody murder until they had all ran outside where they engaged in a long, gruesome battle where they eventually emerged battered and bruised but victorious.

Later, it was revealed that they had been after the merchant, who apparently held more secrets than she appeared, and their seemingly-peaceful escort mission suddenly turned much less peaceful. Naruto took it mostly in stride. When your entire day goes to shit, nothing can really sway you anymore.

At least, that was what he had thought, as he grimaced and tried to sit still without shivering, nursing his wounds on the old, musty-smelling sofa while Kakashi interrogated the merchant in another room while Sakura took on the fruitless task of healing. It always took a lot out of her, and Naruto had offered to sit this one out. It wasn’t like he was going to bleed to death, and with everything that had happened today, it was basically par for the course.

Up until Sasuke, who up until now Naruto had thought to be with the rest of them, suddenly appeared out of nowhere and dropped down beside him.

“Uh,” Naruto said, trying to ignore the tantalizing waves of heat rolling off of Sasuke (fuck his life). “Hi.”

Sasuke grumbled something and didn’t look at him.

“Jeez,” Naruto said, “what’s with the frosty attitude?”

He grinned. Sasuke’s looked mildly murderous.

Naruto snorted. “Oh, hey there Naruto, it’s good to see you too. Amazing pun, by the way. Also, thanks for taking that hit for me back there, if it weren’t for you I would’ve gotten seriously hurt.”

At this, Sasuke glared. “You’re too reckless,” he muttered. “It’s bad for your health.”

Naruto looked at Sasuke incredulously before bursting into laughter.

“Yeah, of course, it’s bad for my health, I got stabbed in the arm.”

Sasuke’s face darkened at that. “You have to be more careful.”

“What are you, my mother?” Naruto rolled his eyes and trailed a finger across the cut on his forearm that he was waiting for to air out before bandaging. “Besides, I knocked you out of the way. You could stand to be more grateful.”

“Let me see,” Sasuke said abruptly, and before Naruto could respond he had taken his arm and was turning it over and back, scrutinizing the cut with a careful eye.

“I—uh, okay,” Naruto said belatedly, after trying to mask the sharp intake of breath at the feverish sunspots that bloomed on his skin at Sasuke’s touch—after concealing a sigh at the way the lingering, constant chill around his arm dissipated the instant Sasuke came in contact with it and, fuck, he was _so fucking fucked._

“It’s ready to be bandaged,” Sasuke declared, unaware of Naruto’s internal turmoil, and kept hold of his arm as he reached for the supplies.

He was quiet as he worked, focused and intent on his task, and Naruto let himself enjoy the warmth, albeit guiltily, for just a little while.

Finished, Sasuke trailed his fingers down the skin next to the cut, light and careful, and Naruto clenched his jaw. God, it wasn’t even funny anymore. It had only been, what, six hours? He honestly didn’t know if he could make it through the night.

He cleared his throat. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” Sasuke pushed himself off the sofa and disappeared around the corner. Naruto immediately felt the chill wash over him again, settling into his bones like an annoying, all-too-familiar neighbour who couldn’t get the hint that they were unwelcome and kept coming over. He cradled his newly-bandaged arm, feeling the last traces of heat scatter away.

He shivered again and sighed. He was _so_ over this.

-+-+-+-

“There has to be _something,”_ Naruto pleaded. The instant Kakashi and Sakura had left the room he had barrelled in, demanding answers.

“Aside from love, the jutsu can also be broken at temperatures higher than fifty thousand degrees Celsius,” the merchant deadpanned. “Oh, don’t give me that look,” she added, after Naruto stared in blatant dismay.

“Why did you do this to me?” Naruto despaired.

“Ungrateful boy. I could’ve turned you into a piece of tree bark instead.”

Naruto huffed. “There isn’t a jutsu for that.”

“Oh? Want me to prove it?” the merchant said, quickly standing up.

Naruto screamed like a little girl. The merchant cackled.

Slowly backing away from the room, Naruto held up both hands placatingly.

“You,” he accused, “are five thousand degrees of fucked up. What do you want me to do? Fucking ask Sasuke to cuddle me to sleep?”

“Mm, getting warmer,” the merchant said innocently.

 _“Ugh,”_ Naruto said loudly, and left the room.

-+-+-+-

Despite the entire night seeming like _days,_ it turned out to be four in the morning still, and after Kakashi had announced that they would be relatively safe for the time being, everyone had blearily returned to their well-needed and now well-deserved rest.

Of course, everyone except for Naruto, who, after another half hour of shivering in bed bundled in blankets that felt more like ice sheets than actual ones, got up and miserably puttered about the cabin restlessly. It at least made him _feel_ a little warmer, and he didn’t care if it was a Placebo.

He was on his fourth circuit around the house, turning a corner into the small living room where a fire flickered on its last dying embers, when he felt a presence behind him.

He whipped his head around, his hand immediately finding the dagger on his right side. With everything that had happened, he was allowed to be suspicious. “Who’s there?”

“It’s just me,” Sasuke said, stepping into view in sweatpants and a worn cotton t-shirt that looked soft and comfortable and _warm,_ whatever the hell that looked like. Naruto felt an inexplicable burst of envy at the same time as he felt an overwhelming desire to press his face into the shoulder of that t-shirt and feel the warmth straight against his skin. (Seriously, fuck his life.)

Naruto’s hand lowered. “Oh,” he said dumbly. “What are you doing?”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “What are _you_ doing?”

Naruto grinned. “Hey now, that’s not fair. I asked you first.”

Sasuke _tch_ ed. “I wanted a glass of water,” he said blandly.

“Uh huh,” Naruto said, nodding. “The kitchen is on the other side of the building. Dumbass.”

Sasuke blinked, caught in his lie, but recovered quickly. “You never said I had to tell the truth.”

Naruto shrugged. “Okay,” he said easily, “I came down here because I’m secretly a werewolf. I like to howl at the full moon at four am. I have to do it for at least an hour or I get twitchy.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but a smile tugged at his lips. “Idiot,” he said, but he sounded fond in a way that made Naruto’s stomach tumble in a way that he really didn’t want to think about at the moment.

“Well, now that we’ve lied to each other,” Naruto said, “why don’t we try telling each other the truth? I’ll even start. I was out because it’s too cold to sleep.” He crossed his arms. “Your turn.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “I couldn’t sleep because of all the noise you were making.”

“Wh—excuse me, I am a _stealth ninja.”_

“A really shitty one.”

“No one else woke up!”

“I’m a light sleeper.” Sasuke crossed his arms, mirroring Naruto. “So you really can’t sleep? At all?”

“No, I just thought I’d walk around the cabin just to annoy you.”

“You know, there’s probably more truth than sarcasm in there.”

Naruto made an exasperated noise. “I’m too tired to keep up with this conversation. I can’t sleep, Sasuke. I’m fucking freezing and it’s fucking terrible. If you’re just here to exchange verbal ammunition, I’m not particularly well-armed at the moment, so either find a way to help me or leave me alone.”

He said all of this in one breath, and then hunched his shoulders in, rubbing at his bare arms with his hands. He had stripped down to a t-shirt once he had realized it made no difference.

He was probably being snappier than required, but goddamn it he was exhausted and cold and _so done,_ and Sasuke was standing there in his ruffled hair and rumpled pyjamas, all sleep-soft and solid and _warm_ and Naruto could feel his self control wavering and that was completely pathetic and he absolutely hated it.

“Okay,” Sasuke murmured.

Naruto huffed out a breath. “Okay,” he said back. “Goodnight, Sasuke.”

When Sasuke didn’t move, Naruto looked at him and spoke sharply, “What?”

“I said _okay,”_ Sasuke said.

“Okay,” Naruto said. “Okay, okay?”

Sasuke gave him a funny look. Naruto threw his arms up in the air.

“Okay, I’m going to help,” Sasuke clarified.

“Okay,” Naruto said stupidly before he could think, and then, “Wait, what?”

Sasuke looked like he was already regretting his decision. “There’s a bookshelf in the main entrance room. There could be something about counter-jutsus.”

“I know,” Naruto said. “I looked already. There’s nothing.”

Sasuke frowned. “Huh.” He stepped closer and tilted his head. “But there must be something. There’s never a jutsu with nothing that can break it. Every ninja learns that in elementary school.” He smirked. “Of course, not that you’d know that.”

“Hey,” Naruto protested. “I know that.”

“‘Cause I just told you.”

“I― _no.”_ Naruto sputtered.

Sasuke just smirked again. “I bet there’s an easy solution to the jutsu that you’re just too stupid to figure out.”

Naruto made an indignant noise. “Fuck you.”

Sasuke raised his eyebrows. “Cool it, Uzumaki.”

Naruto barked out a laugh out of sheer shock, making his next words tumble out before he could think. “For your information, I actually know something that can break through the jutsu.”

Sasuke gave Naruto a deadpan look. “Really,” he drawled.

 _“Yes,”_ Naruto said triumphantly. “So there.”

Sasuke looked at Naruto for a long time, and then threw his arms up in the air. “Then _do it,_ idiot.”

“I,” Naruto said. “Um.”

Sasuke looked seconds away from strangling him. “What.”

“Um,” Naruto said again. “Well, the thing is. Well. It’s, uh. It’s a bit funny, actually, but I talked to the merchant last night because I was curious and―”

“Spit it out.”

“You have to touch me,” Naruto said in a rush, and then snapped his mouth shut.

Sasuke stilled. “Excuse me?”

“Not like that!” Naruto tripped over his words. “I meant, like, just human contact. In general. Yeah, anyone can touch me and it breaks through the jutsu.” He definitely wasn’t telling Sasuke it only happened with _him._ And he sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him _why_ it only happened with him.

“Let me get this straight,” Sasuke said slowly. “Anyone can touch you, and you can feel their warmth through the jutsu.”

Naruto nodded. “Yup. Anyone,” he said again, biting his tongue at the bitter taste the lie left. Goddamn, he was digging his own grave. He should’ve just kept his mouth shut, what the hell.

“So why in the world didn’t you do anything earlier?”

Naruto looked at him balefully. _“Oh, hey Sakura, I can’t sleep, can we cuddle?”_ he said sarcastically. “I like my nose unbroken, thank you very much.”

He tapped his chin. “Kakashi’s probably still staying up reading _Makeout Paradise_ anyway, and he mumbles the lines under his breath, and I think I’d rather freeze to death than hear another word of that trashy bullshit ever again. And the merchant?” He raised an eyebrow. He didn’t even need to explain that one.

Sasuke blew out a frustrated breath. “Right.” He paused for a moment, as if considering something. The tension went out of his shoulders. “C’mon.”

Naruto tilted his head. “C’mon, where?”

Sasuke gritted his teeth. “Just—come on, loser.” He jerked his chin towards the hall and then began walking.

“You know, if you’re trying to get someone to do something, you shouldn’t call them a loser,” Naruto tried to call out while keeping his voice down at the same time.

“Then don’t follow me, loser,” Sasuke said without turning around.

Naruto pondered for half a second before his curiosity overwhelmed him and he followed him. Damn it.

“So what’s the plan?” Naruto asked as they trod down the halls that led to the bedrooms. He grinned, even though Sasuke couldn’t see. “You gonna spoon me to sleep?”

When Sasuke didn’t answer, merely turned and stopped in front of the door to his room, Naruto’s smarmy look slid off his face.

“You’re not serious.”

Sasuke glowered. “Are you _trying_ to make me change my mind?”

Naruto found that he couldn’t answer, because Jesus Christ he was being offered to sleep with _Sasuke Uchiha—_ albeit under extremely dubious circumstances. He couldn’t shake the gnawing guilt in his skull.

Sasuke slid under the blankets, leaving a space next to him. Naruto took a step forward, then hesitated.

He didn’t think the first time he got into bed with Sasuke would be because of a jutsu curse, he thought hysterically. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“I wouldn’t be offering if I wasn’t,” Sasuke said slowly, enunciating each word as if Naruto was a toddler. “And you already eliminated everyone else as an option. And you’re too cold to sleep by yourself, and I really don’t want to deal with you falling asleep when we start travelling again.”

“I know,” Naruto said, voice shrill, “but _still.”_

“But still _what?”_ Sasuke snapped. “You’re cold, I’m warm. That’s all there is to it. It doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to.”

“But what if I—” _Do,_ Naruto stopped himself from saying at the last moment.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. “What if you what?”

“Nothing,” Naruto said, and cursed his impulsiveness and tendency to blurt out whatever was on his mind without thinking. Why did the merchant have to give him a _cold_ jutsu? Why couldn’t she have just cursed him with twenty-four hour muteness?

Sasuke made a frustrated noise in his throat, pushing himself up to a sitting position. “You’re such a pain in the ass sometimes. For someone who talks so much, you never actually say anything useful, do you?”

“You want me to be useful?” Naruto said, feeling a flash of hurt. “Fine. The merchant told me the jutsu could only be broken by love.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” he barrelled on, seeing Sasuke’s face freeze. “Love. I lied when I said it was just human touch. Kakashi and Sakura didn’t do shit. It was only you, Sasuke, always only you.”

He leaned his body against the doorframe, feeling his heart hammer against his ribcage.

When moments passed with no response, Naruto looked up towards Sasuke, whose face was carefully composed and completely blank.

“So there you have it,” Naruto said sardonically. “Apparently you love me.” He clipped out a laugh. “Isn’t that funny.”

Another moment passed, and then Sasuke carefully stepped out of bed and towards the doorway.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Naruto said, sounding tired. He rubbed a hand across his forehead, then waved it halfheartedly. “I get it, whatever. Maybe the merchant was making a joke or something.”

“Naruto,” Sasuke started, sounding hesitant.

“It’s really okay,” Naruto insisted, because if he had to take a rejection above all this shit, he didn’t think he would handle it. “I don’t need to hear it. I’ll just—I’ll just leave, yeah?”

He took a step back and was about to turn around and flee like the absolute coward he was, when Sasuke landed a hand on his arm.

Naruto couldn’t deny the way he immediately went still, or how the small, whisper-thin shivers constantly slipping their way down his spine were dashed away at the touch and replaced with a tingling warmth.

“What?” he said, irritation lancing his tone.

“Naruto,” Sasuke said softly. “Let me talk?”

Naruto grumbled, but turned to fully face the other, still not meeting his eyes, instead staring at the fingers wrapped around his wrist where heat leached into his skin like ink through paper. “I’m listening.”

“Okay,” Sasuke said evenly. “I’m sorry if I made you feel pressured, and I’m sorry you had to find out this way. It wasn’t my intention to do either. You don’t have to feel obligated to do anything. We can just pretend this never happened, and I’m sure I’ll get over it. Sounds good?”

Naruto was about to nod, relieved that he wouldn’t have to deal with mockery or disgust, until Sasuke’s words fully processed in his mind.

_Made you feel pressured… don’t have to feel obligated… I’ll get over it._

“Wait,” Naruto said. “What?”

Sasuke looked at him with disbelief. “You’re unbelievable,” he said.

“No, no, wait,” Naruto said, “what are you talking about? You’ll get over what?”

Sasuke looked mildly constipated. “Damn it, Naruto, are you really going to make me say it?”

“I don’t know what I’m really going to make you say so _yeah.”_

“I make you warm,” Sasuke snapped, letting go of Naruto’s arm and stepping back. “Only love can make you warm. Figure it out.”

Naruto gaped, still in denial. “So what you’re saying is—so you—”

“I told you already, it’s fine. Why don’t we make this less embarrassing for both of us and just _drop it.”_

“What?” Naruto said after another two seconds of gaping.

“God, you’re _insufferable,”_ Sasuke groaned. “I don’t even know why I like you, so you don’t have to worry about that. I’ll get over it in no time, I’m sure.”

“What?” Naruto said for the eighteenth time, and then desperately grasped for other words. “I mean— _no.”_

“No, yeah, I get it, it’s fine. Just—it’s all fine.”

“No, no, hang on, we’re not—” Naruto shoved his hands through his hair, trying to scratch out the nasty buzzing that had started up in his skull. “You like me?”

“Oh my fucking god,” Sasuke said.

“You like me,” Naruto repeated, this time a statement.

Sasuke snarled. “You’re a hyperactive ninja running off a constant sugar high with ADHD and apparently now insomnia, you can’t last a day without somehow getting hurt, and I’m pretty sure you came with a warning label when you were born. You’re loud and annoying and you care about other people way too much. Yes, I like you. Enough to break through a fucking Frost Wave Jutsu, apparently, fuck my life.”

He grabbed the door and was about to shut it when he saw Naruto’s face. “What?”

“Shut _up,”_ Naruto said, “and kiss me, assface.”

Sasuke’s face contorted with confusion. “What? What did you just call me?”

Naruto grabbed Sasuke and kissed him in a way that left much to be desired. There were teeth and elbows involved and possibly a broken nose. His eagerness probably wasn’t enough to balance out the pitiful lack of experience he had in this area.

“Ow,” Naruto said afterwards, licking his lips and tasting blood.

“That was terrible,” Sasuke declared, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Naruto shrugged. “It got the message across.”

“It did,” Sasuke agreed. “Now get over here so we can sleep, _assface,_ we have to wake up in two hours.”

Later, after ten minutes of scuffling and arguing and tossing and turning, Naruto found himself nestled in a bundle of blankets. His entire body was tingling and his face was hurting with the urge not to beam and because apparently he was now living in a Nicholas Sparks novel, some shitty B-side romcom that would give _Makeout Paradise_ a run for its money, there was an arm around him, drawing him close, and a goddamn human heater pressed against his back, all fuzzy and sated and buzzing warmth.

“Hey, Sasuke?” he murmured without opening his eyes.

“Hm?”

Naruto paused for dramatic measure. “I think you’re hot.”

“I’m going to kick you off the bed,” Sasuke said.

“Aw, c’mon,” Naruto said, “that’s not cool.”

 _“Shut up,”_ Sasuke said.

Naruto sighed. “You’re no fun.”

They still had a day of wrestling through the blizzard to look forward to, and he was only halfway through the timespan of the jutsu, and he’d have to deal with Sakura’s undying rage and jealousy in the morning and possibly for the rest of his natural born life, but for now he was all wrapped up in body heat, Sasuke’s hair tickling the back of his neck, and he felt the dregs of sleep that had evaded him for so long finally, blessedly, tugging him into his dreams.

It had been a good day, Naruto thought, and closed his eyes, placid and content and finally, finally warm.


End file.
